Lets Face It
Lets Face It
Although he has always known that emotions, especially when it comes to the deepest heart, are hard to control. And such emotions can easily turn a person to act and think unreasonably, even if the person knows what rational actions to choose from but he didn't think that it would really be this hard.
What to do… will I be able to control myself? Would I do something I will regret in the future?
What should I do if Ren Yuan pushed me away? In this world, at this time, the man doesn't love me anymore... Would I be able to even remain on his side as the closest ally if he knew my feelings?
Will we turn into enemies again? Will we hurt each other again??... Will he want to kill me???
"Whitey?"
I don't want it!
"Whitey!"
Not again… not in this life!
"Shao Cheng!!!"
"...huh?"
What happened? Why are you looking so worried?
Shao Cheng slowly blink his eyes, finding something wrong with his right vision before raising his right hand to gently touch his cheek, only to feel the wet touch with his fingers. And when he turned to look at it, the crimson color of blood appeared in his eyes.
"He is almost enchanted…"
Jiayi gently pats her chest while releasing a sigh of relief after the young man's mind was pulled back after being entranced by the dark mist, which is able to amplify all negative emotions and a person's deepest fear, making a person lost and taking away their will.
"... I think… it wasn't a good decision to call you…"
I kind of regret it now... who would have thought that he will be greatly affected because of your appearance?
Jiayi turned to look at the worried Ren Yuan that didn't bother to hide what he was feeling after seeing the young man in the pool become trance, unable to react to the surrounding.
"Young man… you are his weakness…"
It's really amazing after knowing what kind of a person he was in the previous life…
"He is not my weakness."
Shao Cheng is able to quickly perceive his wrong mindset a moment ago with his eyebrow condensing into a cold chill while shooting a warning to the young Jiayi that seemed to always forget to keep her mouth shut.
Were you always this noisy and talkative?
"Don't listen to her… Brother Yuan, you give me strength."
Honestly, I'm tired after living two lifetimes… I really don't want to experience living again… I just want to finally rest in peace… especially when the second life is extremely tiring...
Shao Cheng gently wiped the blood stained on his cheek while gazing at the pair of grey pupils that seemed to show confusion, but at the same time, seemed to be getting close to something, similar to the sudden enlightenment he has when accepting his different feelings to the man.
Ah… this black mist really knows what I feared the most, huh… but, I have to always face it...
So, even if something goes wrong because of what he is revealing, but, he doesn't want to make the man feel uncomfortable, or cause a certain misunderstanding about being his weakness.
All Shao Cheng wants is for the man to have the best of everything, a peaceful and content life as much as he could with the identities they have.
Having the feeling of fear because of liking someone, huh… but didn't this man also feel the same way in the previous life? Which was much worse because instead of like, it was the feeling of love.
The uncertainty, the pain, fear, confusion, anxiousness, and heartache… all of this, I'm sure the man experienced it...
Wasn't it just his turn to feel all of it because, in this life, he was the one who grew a certain feeling that he shouldn't have...
It's just retribution… a certain Karma...
The image of the grown-up Ren Yuan drunk in the night, his slender figure sitting lonely and sad in the pavilion with only the moon as the companion, Shao Cheng suddenly spurned and disdained his fearful self that wanted to run away.
In the previous life, the man had bravely faced his emotions, even going so far as to plan everything out.
So, I should also be prepared and accept whatever end it will lead to in this life…
"Brother Yuan, if it wasn't for you, I would have been dead a long time ago."
It was you that saved my life after transmigrating to this world… It was you that I was supposed to feel grateful for…. It was you that I should have helped instead of turning into enemies...
Even if Shao Cheng wants to fix his mistakes, errors, and blunders for his family, but, Ren Yuan is the entire reason why he continues to live in this world.
No matter what, my promise has to be kept. Even if they end up against each other again, then I just have to use my scheming skill and experience to let this man have an easy path to the throne.
In this life, there is no need to hold the title of a rebel, a thief!
I will do it for you, I don't mind carrying such an infamous title for the future generation to remember.
"Brother Yuan, you know… my world is always full of grey. There is nothing to be happy about, there is no excitement or joy in my heart."
When my younger brother in my first life died, I felt all alone, there was no one in my world.
No one was able to enter my heart, there is no one to treasure.
"Living death, that is what I have been and I'm sure everyone knows it too right? Because I don't care about anything and anyone. Always indifferent and cold, never bothering to see the world and paying attention to my surroundings."
Shao Cheng smiled warmly, the coldness completely disappearing while entirely different in the past, the pair of sapphire pupils had a certain light upon it, causing Ren Yuan, who is seriously listening, to feel relief because he could see the certain life within it.
"Honestly, Brother Yuan, meeting you has changed my thought and vision. I have the heart to reach out again, I have the will to see the world and I have the determination to walk a new path."
Do you understand? Instead of being my weakness, you are my strength, the person that gives me the determination to continue on.
In my first life, I lived a lonely life.
In my second life, my wish and desire failed by the betrayal of the people I took as a new family… and yet, in my last breath, you are the one who gave me the greatest comfort...
And when I became a spirit after my death… you have shown me another way, although it's filled with uncertainty, but, it's a chance that I treasure the most.
"Brother Yuan, I never cared about others, at the same time, it also meant that I never cared about myself."
Shao Cheng's sapphire eyes couldn't help but brighten up after seeing the man's eyebrow wrinkle in unease, even the dark expression didn't abate his happiness, after all, what he is witnessing is the man's genuine emotion.
It showed that the two of them have become close, at least, entirely different from their relationship in the previous life.
Witnessing such change caused Shao Cheng to feel that it was enough for him to continue on, even if it changes in the future, just remembering today's situation could always give him enough determination to go on even if there is no one on his side.
"Brother Yuan, you could say that you created my new world. In my entire life, you will always remain special, an unforgettable existence."
And with those words, Shao Cheng witnessed a certain understanding suddenly flashing in the man's grey pupils, appearing to have perceived the hidden meaning in his words.
Did you get it? Why are you special? Can you perceive my unusual feelings for you?
Although Shao Cheng's heart beats fast with uncertainty and fear, but, instead of always being filled with anxiety, doubt, and suspicion in the coming days, then, it's better to let the man catch a glimpse of it or even learn about it.
Maybe, because of revealing such emotion after only knowing each other for months, Ren Yuan might unconsciously set up a defense against his heart toward me, right?
It might even cause the man to stop growing feelings for him, so there is no need to end up miserable just like in the previous life, right?
Shao Cheng's heart ached as such thought and yet, he still believed that there is nothing good about falling in love with him again just like in the previous life.
Although he has experienced turbulent times filled with great danger during the fight to the throne, but, there is always a chance of dying.
He couldn't bet on it.
So, while trying hard for Shao Cheng to maintain his expression from showing how disturbed he felt inside, his sapphire pupils bravely met the man's grey eyes that swiftly shut down all of his emotion, completely showing his skill of hiding anyone from reading anything from it.
"I see… I understand. Alright, tell me what I needed to do, the situation really needed to be dealt with."
After a few seconds of silence, Shao Cheng finally heard Ren Yuan speaking in a controlled voice that didn't leak what the man thought after perceiving his certain feelings.
"Jiayi will tell you what the next course of action will be."
Shao Cheng nodded his head, the warm smile on his face disappearing and turning into a serious expression, completely acting like the ambiguous words he tried to convey weren't perceived by the man.
Maybe he thought that I was too young and didn't really understand my emotions?
At least, it wasn't pierced and broken, so their relationship can still remain the same and intact, although there will be certain awkwardness, confusion, and even certain defense later on.
Nonetheless, it was already the best situation in Shao Cheng's opinion, at least, the man didn't run away from him, right?
Heck, he was already grateful that he didn't receive a slash from the man's sword after learning of his growing feelings, which was going in the direction of wanting to sleep with him.
If it was in the previous life, Shao Cheng would have beaten the man to death if he were in the same situation.
Of course, unbeknown to Shao Cheng, Ren Yuan's heart is in great chaos, his mind in turbulence and agitation, and there is even the thought of wanting to hide and run away in panic.
And yet, seeing the dangerous situation around, he forcefully suppressed everything and was more focused to help out finish dealing with the mystery. Of course, there is also a certain thought about maybe him being also enchanted and affected by what is happening around them.
Basically, he was hallucinating, right!?