The Legend of the Kyubi

After half an hour, Kurama was returning to his assigned room, only to see how not only the boys were waiting for him, but the male Jonin sensei as well.     

"Do you need anything?" - Kurama asked with a frown.     

"We need your help," said Kiba, who had regained consciousness - "By the way... where are we?"     

The others only shook their heads as they told him for the hundredth time that they were in the tower in the middle of the Forest of Death. It seems that whatever Kurama had done to him had caused severe damage to his brain.     

"What kind of help do you need?" - Kurama asked with a scowl.     

"One that we are more than certain you can give us," Choji said seriously. "Not for nothing are you known as Sekkusu Kami-sama, the god of sex and conquest"     

". . ." - Kurama was silent for a few seconds as he analyzed the situation, only to be surprised by a few seconds of exclaiming - "Ha~?! What the hell are you talking about?!"     

"Don't try to hide it, we know you're responsible for the moans echoing through the village," Kiba said with a scowl. "It was Anko herself who said this"     

"Anko said something similar when we met for a drink after a mission" - said Kakashi seriously - "Although I honestly thought she was joking after listening to the guys, I'm sure all that was true"     

"From the tones of the voices... we could identify at least 3 different women..." - said Shino. Honestly, he didn't care much about all this but a little help for the future wouldn't be bad.     

Shikamaru was the only one who was unconcerned about this whole situation because, honestly, he found the whole thing problematic. Just putting up with his mother was more than enough trouble.     

"Itachi Nii told me to ask you for tips for my dates with Sakura-chan..." - Sasuke said with some embarrassment. He had asked his brother but, for his bad luck, he was not very experienced in the matter either.     

"You too, Yamato-san?" - Kurama asked in surprise as he felt the slight emotion coming from the Mokuton User.     

"I have my needs too," Yamato responded.     

"What are you doing, my rival?" - asked a man very much like Lee, to the extent that he could be identified as a larger version of him.     

"Now is not the time, Gai" - said Kakashi seriously - "We are in the middle of something important"     

"What could be more important than having a showdown with your fated rival?" - smiled the Jonin named Gai as he took a cool pose.     

"Dating tips," Kakashi replied firmly.     

Gai only fell to the ground in defeat when he heard that chasing women was far more important than his friendship and rivalry.     

"Gai sensei!" - exclaimed Lee as he saw the poor state of his instructor.     

"D-Don't worry Lee... just a little stumble..." - said Gai as he carefully stood up - "I just need to regain the power of my flames of youth!"     

"It's so cool!" - exclaimed Lee with a great gleam in his eye - " You are a worthy example to follow, Gai sensei!"     

"Lee!" - exclaimed Gai as small tears ran down his cheeks.     

"Gai sensei!" - Lee said with emotion as he looked at his instructor.     

"Lee!" - Gai could no longer hold back, so he hugged his student as the illusion of a wave crashing against a rocky shore began to surround them.     

"They... are interesting..." - said Kurama as he looked at Gai and his mini-me.     

"One gets used to it over the years" - denied Kakashi - "But let's get back to business... Any advice, Sekkusu Kami-sama?"     

"What do you want me to say?" - asked the young Uzumaki seriously. "I don't do anything special"     

"There must be something" - said Kiba seriously.     

"Okay, let me think about it," the redheaded man muttered as he looked around.     

"Kiba...take a bath because you stink like a dead dog, while you're at it, go to the dentist and the veterinarian..." - said Kurama seriously - "Kakashi... stop with that Icha Icha bullshit and try to ask someone on a date or I swear you'll only increase the speed of your hand seals"     

"Sasuke... why don't you take Sakura on a little nighttime picnic?" - continued Kurama - "Choji... just get a girl who has a special taste for food... I'm sure everything will be normal after that"     

"Shino... the same goes for you, you are not bad guys, you just need someone who understands you and sees you for who you are" - said Kurama.     

Choji and Shino nodded at the words of the red-haired Uzumaki because they knew they were true. They would discover their special people for themselves in time.     

Kiba frowned because he expected more than a mockery of his hygiene.     

Kakashi was also shocked by the words of the redhead but quickly decided to put them aside. His Icha Icha was sacred.     

As for Sasuke, he was happy because now he had a plan.     

"Yamato-san... have you thought about joining a garden club?"- Kurama asked calmly - "I'm sure hundreds of girls would kill for some advice from someone who can communicate with trees... by the way, try to express yourself better... a bad camera angle makes you look like one of those psychopathic killers in the movies"     

". . ." - Yamato nodded even though he was offended by the latter. He understood that he wasn't the most expressive person but that didn't mean he didn't have feelings.     

"Why don't you try smiling?" - Sasuke asked curiously. He had always seen Yamato with the same neutral expression so seeing him with a smile was something that made him curious.     

"Ok..." - Yamato nodded as he arched his lips.     

"!"- the people there only backed off because the empty look that was characteristic of Jonin, in addition to bad lighting, was making it seem that poor Jonin, was some kind of psychopath.     

"I don't think it's a good idea for him to smile," whispered Choji as he picked up the ball of potato chips he had dropped from the scare. The others nodded at the words of the wide-boned boy.     

"That bad?" - Yamato asked in surprise.     

"I am sorry to tell you this, my friend Tenzō but your smile is lethal" - said Gai seriously - "So lethal that it can cause a heart attack because of the fear it causes"     

". . ." - Yamato only sighed with regret.     

"Try a half-smile," Kurama said seriously.     

"Okay. . ." Yamato followed the redhead's instructions while the others prepared for a possible attack, only to notice that everything was fine.     

"I think that settles things," Kurama nodded.     

"Thank you," Yamato said happily.     

"Anything for me?" - Gai asked as she posed in a cool pose.     

"First, change that bowl hairstyle, second, wear something that isn't green, third, pluck your eyebrows a little, fourth, don't be so strange, fifth, try to date someone of your species, sixth..." - said Kurama as Gai felt himself being pierced by an arrow six times in a row.     

"I think that's enough," said Kakashi as he shook his head. His friend had barely withstood such a level of attack.     

"And I thought my 'help' had been bad," Kiba muttered as the others nodded.     

"OK, that was interesting..." - smiled Temari again, who had heard everything from her hiding place. She had to admit that she seemed to have a strong connection with the boy because every time she went out somewhere, she found him in a particular situation     

First, she had found him in a compromising situation with his sensei, now he was giving advice on women to the other men and she had to admit that they were not so bad. She felt that the advice was accurate for the men, particularly the advice that the Inuzuka should bathe, even she, who was moderately far away, could feel the smell of dead dog.     

"Maybe I should bring Kankuro here so he can get some help," muttered the blonde girl from Sunagakure - "He's too old to be playing with dolls now... it doesn't help that he wears makeup either..."     

If Kankuro were here, he would have exploded at his sister's words but since he wasn't, he was still happy with his life.     

"I better get back, I don't want Gaara to start freaking out, not when we haven't started the operation yet..." - thought Temari as she shook her head. Honestly, neither she nor Kankuro wanted to participate in this but they could not leave their younger brother alone despite the many times he had threatened to kill them.     

* * * * *     

"How are you, girls?" - said Tenten with a smile when she noticed how the other Konoha rookies were together.     

"Hi, Tenten-san!" - exclaimed the girls happily.     

"What are you talking about?" - asked the weapon-loving girl.     

"About our dream date," Sakura smiled excitedly.     

"Mind if I join you?" - Tenten asked with joy. She was happy to finally find girls her age, as she spent most of her time with men.     

"Don't even ask me, I'm just prying," Kin said as she shrugged.     

"If she can be in the conversation, I do not see why you cannot," Sakura said as she looked at her colleague Genin.     

"Thank you, girls!" - exclaimed Tenten excitedly.     

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *     

Chapter 85 available in Pa treon