The Legend of the Kyubi

"We'd better change the subject..." - said Kurama as he watched Jiraiya lying on the floor crying - "I don't think Ero Sennin can take any more of your attacks... although I have to admit you have a sharp tongue"     

"Thank you~" - smiled Temari with an innocent look - "Though every word came from the heart"     

"That makes it worse!" - roared Jiraiya as he stood up suddenly - "Anyway... Hey, Gaki!"     

"What?" - replied the redheaded man calmly.     

"I know it's not necessary but I still want to give you some important advice that has been given by men from one generation to another" - said Jiraiya seriously.     

"Okay?" - Kurama raised an eyebrow in curiosity as he listened to the white-haired man.     

"These teachings have been tempered by the knowledge of thousands of men over the years, so I hope one day you will pass them on to your children" - said Jiraiya seriously - "If a woman tells you that everything is fine, it is because everything is wrong ... and if she tells you that everything is wrong, it is because EVERYTHING IS WRONG"     

"I have to admit that he is right," Temari nodded when she heard this.     

"Okay? Anything else?" - the redhead asked. He never thought he would get anything clever from the Sannin.     

"Yes..." - Jiraiya nodded - "When you're doing in... you know... never get the wrong hole... Ah! My Rasengan!"     

"Hentai!" - shouted Temari with a face as red as an apple as she kicked the Sannin in the crotch - "Hentai! Hentai! Hentai!"     

"Wow... Ero Sennin knows how to win over the female fury" - said Kurama when he saw Temari attacking like a machine gun, the groin of the poor white-haired Sannin - "That's going to hurt tomorrow... ugh... even I was hurt by that... I better look away... but this is fun... I think I'm getting too close to Anko-chan..."     

"HELP ME, BADDAMN IT!" - shouted Jiraiya with pain that could not be described.     

* * * * *     

"Why didn't you do it before?!" - shouted Jiraiya, who felt he couldn't get an erection anymore.     

"Because you earned it" - replied the redhead - "If you hadn't said something like that, none of this would have happened"     

"I was just giving you some advice that could save your life!" - Jiraiya shouted angrily.     

"I don't think that advice will help me," the redheaded man denied. Honestly, he believed that if it ever happened, he could somehow fix it.     

"I'm trying to help you and you're paying me this way..." - said Jiraiya as he looked down on the ginger - "We're family for God's sake!"     

"Are you family?" - Temari asked in surprise.     

"I'm his godfather" - said Jiraiya proudly.     

"Unfortunately" - replied Kurama as he shook his head.     

". . ." - Jiraiya fell to the ground as he looked at the redhead in pain - "The treason, the deception"     

"We'd better ignore the idiot," said Kurama as he shook his head.     

"And I was looking for you to help you train," said Jiraiya as he shook his head.     

"I thought you were coming to bother me to reveal everything I did," said Kurama with a scowl.     

"In fact, but you have to understand that not everything I do is perverted, not to mention that I promised to help you train... even though I could teach you almost nothing," the Sannin denied.     

"I'm sorry you can't teach me anything" - snorted the redhead.     

"It's not my fault you're a fucking monster!" - exclaimed Jiraiya.     

" It is Minato's," Kurama replied coolly.     

"Okay, sorry about that," sighed the Sannin as he shook his head.     

"Don't worry, it's not your fault," Kurama denied. "But back to business, I accept the proposal to train, not to mention that we are in a good place"     

"Ok" - Jiraiya nodded - "And you miss? What do you plan to do?"     

"I'll sit and watch while you train," said Temari with a smile. "I feel that if I join you, I'll end up being harassed"     

"I can understand what you are trying to say," nodded the young Uzumaki.     

"Don't you have the slightest confidence in me?!" - the white-haired man exclaimed in pain.     

"No," the two youths replied, and in the process, causing massive damage to poor Sannin's feelings.     

"I think we overdid it," said Temari as she saw Jiraiya crying.     

"Don't worry... he will be all right in a few minutes" - said Kurama as he shrugged his shoulders.     

* * * * *     

"I am a legend... you know?" - said Jiraiya while crying comically - "You should at least give me some respect!"     

"I'd give it to you if you were someone exemplary, not some dirty old man who spends all his time spying on women in the hot springs" - snorted Temari with a scowl.     

"It's for the love of my fans!" - exclaimed Jiraiya proudly.     

"Okay" - Temari only gave the man a neutral look, who only sighed with regret - "We'd better end this... if we go on like this, I swear to God I'll end up badly..."     

"Well... what do we do first?" - asked the redhead.     

"I would say physical training... although I feel you don't need it" - mumbled the Sannin - "I also don't see that you need Chakra Control Training... so that leaves only one thing to practice"     

"And that would be?" - Kurama asked curiously.     

"First of all you have to know one thing..." - Jiraiya said seriously - "This is a technique that has been passed down from generation to generation of the Mount Myoboku Sages"     

"You have my interest" - said Kurama with emotion - "What is it?"     

"Using your legs!" - exclaimed the Sannin as he tapped his thighs.     

"Wait for a second, I feel like I've heard this before," said Kurama as he tried to remember, though he only felt a severe headache.     

"It's impossible! This is an ancient technique that only we know!" - said Jiraiya as he shook his head.     

"Ok, I have to admit that this sounds promising" - said Temari with emotion. She never thought she would see a secret technique, much less one from the Land of the Toads, Mount Myoboku.     

"Keep talking then," said Kurama as he felt the headache grow stronger and stronger.     

"Remember this, Kurama... this technique can only be used as a last resort!" - Jiraiya said seriously - "First... flex your legs..."     

"and then?" - Temari asked seriously as she analyzed the Sannin's every move.     

"Then... NIGERUNDAYO!" - exclaimed Jiraiya as he ran out of the place.     

"Huh?" - Temari saw this only in absolute confusion.     

"That's the fucking secret technique of the Joestar family!" - shouted Kurama as he grabbed his head. He now understood why he felt he had heard all this before.     

"It's impossible! It took years for the ancient sages of Mount Myoboku to develop this secret technique!" - exclaimed Jiraiya as he looked at the redhead in surprise.     

"It took them years to learn how to escape?!" - Temari shouted as she watched the white-haired man.     

"This is an ancient method of escape!" - Jiraiya said proudly, "Every movement is designed to consume as little energy as possible. The movements are so precise that there are no extra movements! It is the ultimate escape method!"     

"And why don't you use it to escape when you've been caught spying?" - Temari asked with a scowl.     

"Because it is a method that can only be used as a last resort," Jiraiya said seriously - "That is a law that I will not break"     

Temari did not know whether to say that Jiraiya was an idiot for not using an escape technique to escape or to feel that he was an honorable man for abiding by the ancient laws and not using the technique despite suffering constant physical harm.     

"Probably both," Kurama said.     

"Did I say that out loud?" - Temari asked.     

"No... I am thinking the same as you, too," said Kurama as he shook his head.     

"How do you know we were thinking the same thing?" - Temari asked.     

"Because you had the same expression as me," replied the redheaded man.     

"And what do you think of the secret technique of Mount Myoboku?" - Jiraiya asked proudly.     

"Do you want me to be honest?" - asked Kurama as he watched Jiraiya nod - "Well... IT'S JUST RUNNING!"     

"Blasphemy!" - exclaimed the Sannin - "Didn't you see how perfect every move was, every move I made was exquisite! Every move I made was perfect, I didn't waste unnecessary energy!"     

"Besides! You did it wrong!" - exclaimed the ginger.     

"Impossible! I've been practicing it for years!" - exclaimed Jiraiya as his pupils contracted - "According to you... how is it?"     

"The first step was perfect, I won't deny that" - said Kurama while he was flexing his knees - "First, you flex your knees, second you hit your thighs to make your tense muscles relax, third, you put your arms at 90° angles to have more aerodynamics and finally... Secret Joestar family technique! NIGERUNDAYO! SMOKIE!"     

"IMPOSSIBLE!" - exclaimed Jiraiya in surprise as he watched the redhead run - "Those moves! That way of tightening and relaxing muscles! That phrase that complements it! It's perfect!"     

"Do you see it? Now you only need to have a partner from Kumo and everything is perfect" - the redhead nodded.     

"I-I..." - Jiraiya only dropped it on the floor while clenching his teeth. He never thought that all the years he had trained this escape technique, were for nothing - "You win..."     

Kurama only gave him a snort full of disdain.     

"Ok, that was weirder than I thought it would be" - said Temari as she shook her head, then licked her lips - "Although I have to admit that he looked good running... more so when he squeezed that ass to do it... Uff~"