Cap 85: I want to be your First Apostle!
Cap 85: I want to be your First Apostle!
"Because you are a gentleman and as such, you are going to escort me to the end!" - Temari shouted as she continued to run after him,
"Fuck being a gentleman! That didn't do me any good!" - shouted Kurama as he jumped over one of the houses - "At least here they won't follow us..."
"I wouldn't be so sure... look..." - said Temari as she pointed at the crowd, only to see a group of them jump over one of the nearby houses.
"Are ninjas among them too?!" - exclaimed Kurama as he continued to jump from house to house.
"In their defense, I heard that your shrine was popular with all the inhabitants, especially the shinobis," Temari answered - "By the way... why don't we visit your shrine if it's a point of interest?"
"Because I have self-respect!" - shouted the red-haired boy as he felt all this was ridiculous.
* * * * *
"Where are you, Kurama Uzumaki?!" - cried Jiraiya with bloodshot eyes - "I just want to talk to you about life!"
"Was that Jiraiya-sama?" - Choji asked as he watched the Sannin act madly.
"Just ignore him, Choji" - said Shikamaru as he shook his head - "Anything to do with that troublesome redhead is twice if not three times as troublesome as usual..."
* * * * *
"Why is this happening to me?!" - Kurama shouted as he watched as he and Temari were trapped. He trusted a little girl only to have her betray them for a bag of candy - "How is it that the world is so bad that one cannot even trust a child?!"
"Well done Princess, now go eat your candy while Mommy takes care of the rest" - said one woman as an even larger group of women approached the ginger one dangerously.
"Why do I feel like I did something wrong?" - said the girl in confusion.
"You did good, daughter, you might get a little brother with this," said the woman calmly.
"Really?!" - exclaimed the girl - "A little brother! Yay!"
"I feel bad for not fulfilling the little girl's dream," murmured Kurama.
"You can always do that and then say you're going to buy cigarettes," said Temari, but she was silent when she noticed the redhead's cold stare. For an Uzumaki, abandoning his family was a sin - "Okay, sorry for the bad joke"
"I guess it's time to use plan B" - said Kurama while shaking his head - "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"
*Poof*
From the smokescreen, a large number of clones began to run in all directions.
"Shit! Get them all!" - shouted one woman as they all came out behind the clones.
"Why didn't you do that before?" - Temari asked.
"Because I was stressed out and it didn't cross my mind," answered Kurama.
The two of them had become transparent so they just stood there silently while they watched the women run after the clones.
"Now that I think about it... why do I keep helping you escape if they don't want you?" - Kurama asked with a scowl.
"Because I am sure that if they catch me, they will idolize me as some sort of holy priestess... now that I think about it, it doesn't sound so bad," Temari said with a smile.
". . ." - Kurama was only silent when he heard this.
*Knock Knock*
"?" - the two Genins were surprised when they heard a knock on the door.
"I don't think it's visitors... not when all the women in the complex are chasing your clones," Temari said with a scowl.
*Knock Knock*
"Ok... let's do this... you open the door and I'll knock on whoever is outside" - said Kurama seriously.
"What if it's a woman?" - Temari asked curiously.
"Gender equality, my fist does not discriminate," said Kurama seriously.
". . ." - Temari was only silent when he heard this. She slowly walked towards the door but before she could open it, she saw how it was quickly shattered by a kunai - "!"
"Here's Johnny!" - Jiraiya shouted with a maddened expression, only to fly away when Kurama punched him in the face.
"Oops..." - Kurama only shook his head when he saw what he did - "Involuntary reflex..."
"Relax... if you didn't do it, I would" - Temari said seriously as she watched Jiraiya go through two houses - "You'll have to pay for the repairs though"
"It was either that or put up with Ero Sennin's bullshit" - replied the redheaded man as he went to check the state of the Sannin - "Hey, Ero Sennin! Answer me if you're still alive!"
"Did someone write down the license plate of the horse that passed over me?" - muttered the white-haired man as he fell unconscious
"At least he was still alive... a normal person would have had a severe case of a brain explosion" - said Kurama as he sighed with relief that he did not kill his 'godfather'.
"I think you have your priorities all messed up," said Temari as she shook her head.
* * * * *
"Ugh... where am I?" - Jiraiya asked as he struggled to get up. He was feeling as if Tsunade had slapped him... again.
"In the Forest of Death" - said Kurama as he appeared in front of the Sannin.
"You!" - exclaimed Jiraiya angrily as he remembered that he had been knocked out by the redhead's fist - "How could you do that to me?!"
"In my defense, you appeared out of nowhere with a lunatic look... a little more and I thought you were some kind of certified sexual predator... which is not far from the truth" - answered Kurama with an innocent look.
". . ." - Jiraiya only sighed with regret when he heard this.
" By the way... how did you find us?" - Temari asked curiously.
"Perverted instinct... I can detect any action, object or entity that has a direct relationship to something perverted when it is within a few meters of me" - said Jiraiya proudly - "In your case, the Gaki is Sekkusu Kami-sama, an entity that represents the desire and lust of the inhabitants of Konoha... I think it fits quite well in my range of detectable targets... don't you think so, young lady?"
"That's interesting... interestingly strange," Temari said as she shook her head.
"This is no time for that!" - exclaimed Jiraiya - "Gaki! I want to be your first Apostle! I want you to tell me all your secrets and experiences!"
"No" - replied the redheaded man immediately - "I can't tell you about the things I've done... especially since I know you'll write them down in that book for perverts"
"It's not a book for perverts! It's the crystallization of all my readers' desires!" - exclaimed Jiraiya with emotion - "My book is the bible for all those who wish to walk the path of erotic romanticism! My book is the ultimate work of art, one that touches the heart of everyone who sets eyes on it!"
"What book?" - Temari asked curiously when he saw the passion this legendary figure was showing.
"My book! Icha Icha Paradise!" - exclaimed Jiraiya with excitement as he pulled out an orange cover book - "Do you want to read it? I promise it will be an experience you will never forget!"
"Icha Icha... Paradise?" - Temari asked as her eyebrow trembled slightly - "The book written by Gama Sannin?"
"Do you know me?!" - exclaimed Jiraiya with excitement.
"No... my brother Kankuro is a fan of your books... he has some under his bed..." - Temari sighed as she shook her head - "At least that explains why you have a Reward on your head in Suna..."
"In my defense, I haven't been to the Suna hot springs," said Jiraiya as he defended himself.
"Because there weren't any until now!" - Temari exclaimed angrily.
"Until now? Does that mean there is now?" - said Jiraiya with excitement - "I think it's a good time to go back to Suna and enjoy the beauty of the desert..."
"You can't! You're banned from Suna's recreational sites!" - Temari exclaimed in disgust - "All because you were caught spying on the Pakura barracks... the building where all the kunoichis of Suna gather to relax"
"Pakura?" - Kurama asked curiously because it sounded like that building had the name of someone important.
"Pakura-sama, an exemplary kunoichi," Temari said ruefully, "She was killed by Iwa while she was on her way to Kiri as ambassador to ally. She was the role model of all the kunoichis in Suna and still is..."
"I would have liked to meet her" - said Kurama while stroking his chin - "She sounds like someone interesting"
"She was not only lethal... she was also beautiful" - said Jiraiya as he remembered the woman - "She had a destructive body, big breasts, thin waist, big hips, she was also tall, not to mention her green hair with orange strands, made her look exotic to someone from Suna... a pity she died..."
"I appreciate that you value her beauty... but when I heard how you flatter her, it seemed as if you were describing her for your degenerate books" - said Temari with disgust - "I ask you please not to talk about her anymore"
"Why?!" - cried Jiraiya with tears in her eyes - "I was just saying how beautiful she was!"
"I'm sorry... but all the nice things you say about a woman, sounds disgusting when it comes out of your perverted mouth" - said Temari with disdain.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Ugh... I don't understand how some people hate my story just because, according to them, my protagonist is an abomination for having foxy features... when in the fucking world of Naruto, there's a whole clan full of people with Shark features, a clan that uses their bones as weapons, there are hundreds of clans with stupid skills and that's not even counting the fucking Alien clan... ugh... it drives me crazy that they despise my story for such an empty reason, even less when they have no reason if they see it from an objective point of view.
If they don't like my story for logical reasons such as they don't like a part of it or it just didn't appeal to them, I can understand that, after all, we all have different tastes.
I feel like they wouldn't have complained if my main character was an Otsutsuki or a Hoshigaki and had these 'bizarre' appearances...
Chapter 105, available in Pa treon