Ghost In Red

""Hi! It's been a year, isn't it? Did you miss me? I missed you. And I know you missed me, too." I greeted her with a bright smile as I stood before her, and I slipped my hands inside my jacket's pockets after I handed her the bouquet in my hold. These are her favorite roses, and I know how much she loves them.    

It's a cold day in late spring, and it's a beautiful afternoon. It has been my favorite season because I love seeing the trees around me have their leaves and flowers bloom, but it changed somehow.    

I moistened my lips and looked around, letting out a sigh.    

"Look, I know you are upset, but... I just want to say I am so sorry that I didn't make it here for your birthday seven months ago. I got lots of sh*ts going on lately that need to be taken care of. Don't worry. I'll make it up to you soon. I will do my best. I have a lot of time because I will spend my whole summer here. So... that means I can visit you here every single day until I get back home." I explained, and I truly feel so bad for ditching her a lot of times already for the last five years.    

"You know, I just passed by here from the airport so I could give you these flowers right away. They are still intact and looking alive, aren't they? Anyway, you can't do anything about it. It is what it is." I said and chuckled while I hugged my jacket closer to my body, and I nodded my head.    

"I had a lot to tell you, but I'm afraid we can have that long talk tomorrow. I need to go for now. I had told your mom that we'll meet at a restaurant for dinner before we head together to her home." I apologetically told her, and I knelt on one knee to kiss her tombstone.    

"I'll see you tomorrow, alright? I'll be here first thing in the morning. Damn, you have no idea how much I missed you. And I feel great seeing you again. I want you to know that I think of you always. And always... I love you, Mi Amor... So much." I said and confessed while trying so hard to act tough in front of her, yet in fact, I was about to break down. I'm just trying to hold my tears from falling.    

Then I closed my eyes and rested my forehead on her cold stone, and I stood up after my tears finally fell out of my control. I don't want to lose myself now and break down in tears again. That could wait till tomorrow.    

Finally, I turned my back on her and walked away while wiping the tears that streamed my cheeks.    

"Wherever you are, always know that I love you so." I whispered in the wind as I gripped tight my suitcase, and I left the cemeter---"    

I paused from what I've been doing as I was startled when I heard a voice calling me. And I hastily wiped my tears.    

"Jillian? Jill, are you crying? What happened? Are you okay?"    

"Mom, hi! No. No, I mean... I'm okay. It's nothing. I'm just... These tears are... Coming out uninvited." I stammered as I couldn't find the perfect answer, and she walked closer to me while I sat fronting my computer.    

"Oh, you're still working on that book, huh? Is it through yet? I bet it's heartbreakingly beautiful." She asked and remarked, making me giggle.    

"No, I'm still in the middle. Well, I guess. I don't actually know how long this will go. I just realized I'm a damn pantser, Mom. The plot keeps changing. I didn't even follow the rough draft I wrote two weeks ago." I answered and felt her resting a hand on my right shoulder while peeking on the half-empty page I was working on. It's my first book, and I want to be near perfect.    

"It's alright, Jill. You can figure it out soon. Ooh, did someone die? No, you killed a character? Was it the main lead? Oh, baby girl, you must be mourning right now." She reassured me and asked in surprise as she might have noticed what I had written.    

"Yeah, something like that, Mom. But don't worry. It will change sooner or later. Or maybe I should consider that flow and make a bloody plot twist again. I'm not too fond of sad endings. You know that. Even if one of them had died... I... I don't want to apply that 'till death do us part' vow between couples. Nothing can tear them apart because... Because they are soulmates. Haha! I can see a better sequel for this one! I'll write it down soon. No one's going to be dead forever!" I thoughtfully replied, and we both laughed at it.    

"Okay. I'll be waiting for that to be finished and published. And I will be your number one fan!" She excitedly cheered and kissed my head.    

"Yeah! I will give you a copy with an exceptional signature that ain't like any other." I said and tried to save the document on my laptop since I knew she was here to call me for lunch. I'll continue this later on the plane.    

I closed the journal, where I had written the things I had seen in my dreams for the last three weeks since I woke up from a deep sleep that I could clearly remember. All of it seemed so real, and it was so freaking weird.    

Why the heck on earth would I be dreaming of that particular person again and again? Like, dude, I see her in my dreams almost every damn night and during my naps!    

I thought I was having nightmares at first, but it turned out to be something I would never think of and expect. And that blondie never left my mind ever since. So to give me some peace of mind, I wrote everything in this notebook. But the thoughts of her seemed to haunt me, so I decided to make a book because if I had nothing else to do while I was in my recovery state, the annoying, rude girl runs in my head twenty-four seven. I so damn f*cking hate it!    

I have already thought that I was going insane. Even though I had consulted my mom and a shrink friend of hers, I still can't seem to unthink her. They suggested that I should meet her and talk to her and maybe start making friends with her, but hell, no, I don't want to. I f*cking hate the girl! So there's no way I would be making friends with her any time soon after I get back to LA later. Screw that shrink, and screw that biatch!    

"Are you still not done packing up, sweetheart? Let me help you after we eat lunch. Your father will be here soon. Maybe an hour or two." Mom asked when she saw some of the clothes she bought me were still on my bed.    

"Oh, ah... Yeah, but I'm almost done with it, Mom. Those are the only few things I haven't put in the suitcase yet." I replied and flipped my new laptop closed, and I turned my power wheelchair right, ready to drive out the door.    

"Okay. Now, let me help you with that." Mom replied and volunteered to push me out to the dining room.    

The thing I liked most here in Mom's cozy small house was her furbabies and her plants and flowers outside. She had told me that most of these pets she had were a decade old. And that means, when she got here after she left us, she adopted them so that she wouldn't be alone.    

I never really expected that Mom didn't get a new family of her own. I mean, she can. But she chose to spend her time helping sick animals in her clinic and her pets here. And I adore her so much.    

Mom also mentioned that she was about to finally meet me on my eighteenth birthday this coming October and talk to me about the mess we got through. But we met unexpectedly three weeks ago when she heard from my friends that I got into an accident and was about to die. It was because of Syd... No. No, no, it's not. It's not her. Why the hell would she help me, right?    

Why did I think of her again? I swear these weird thoughts of that girl freak the hell out of me. It was in my dreams, but I seem to be living in those moments. But that doesn't mean anything, isn't it? It wouldn't make sense.    

I really need to format this brain of mine before I go totally crazy over that blondie. These thoughts of her are not worth my time! Not ever!